ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
