Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
