Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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