when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
