the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Randomize
