My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
