U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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