I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
