my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I just cut my nipple shaving
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
