Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
