these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
