I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
