i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
