So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Randomize
