Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
