it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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