I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
