ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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