i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
