I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
