are you still at the devil's house?
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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