You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
