Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
