I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
