No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Randomize