So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
