Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
