are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Ladies don't puke and tell
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
