tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
