If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
