She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize