My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
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