remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
