shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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