Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
