Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
