New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
