I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
