so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
