I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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