i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
