Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
