So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
