i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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