And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
