Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize