The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
