We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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