At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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