I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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