So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
All the doctor said was why
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
