Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
