I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
