can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
