You're my little dorito
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
