Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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