hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
