Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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