everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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