i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize