What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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