my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize