oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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