i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
