He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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