Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
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