my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Randomize
