Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
