hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
