My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
