Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
