So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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