so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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