grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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