I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
