i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
