Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
It's rum buckets o'clock
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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