laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
