Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
