is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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