you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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