i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
