Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
