he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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