Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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