dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
