we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They are going to name an STD after you.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
