This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
