dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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