Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
