Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize