So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
home. puking in laundry basket.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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