Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
It's shark week go big or go home
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
