she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize