A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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