do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
