she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
