i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
