He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
