Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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