sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
