thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
